"I'd like to put myself in the basement."
If I received a dollar for every laugh that escaped my mouth upon listening to President Trump speak, I'd be a very rich individual. The nonsense often spewing from his mouth is incoherent and politically incorrect. The man should give up politics altogether and try his hand at comedy. It would be even more hilarious if he weren't President of the United States of America. But because he is, it makes matters slightly less comedic, and just plain embarrassing.
Last night's final presidential debate was no exception.
Trump was uttering so much nonsense, I was getting whiplash merely trying to keep up. At one point during the debate, Trump accused Biden of "hiding out in his basement," which is funny coming from someone who actually retreated to his bunker regarding fears of the peaceful protests occurring on his front lawn.
For awhile, Trump even talked about himself in the third person, comparing his accomplishments to that of Abraham Lincoln when asked about race in America.
"Nobody has done more for the Black community than Donald Trump," he said. "With the exception of Abraham Lincoln, nobody has done what I've done."
But it doesn't stop there. In fact, the entire debate was filled with bizarre contradictions from Trump, it often felt like I was tuning into Comedy Central rather than CNN. Here's a list of every odd thing Trump said during last night's debate.
On recovering from COVID-19
"I got better. I will tell you, I had something that they gave me. A therapeutic, I guess they would call it. Some people could say it was a cure. Now they say I'm immune. Whether it's four months or a lifetime, nobody's been able to say that."
"We're rounding the turn. We're rounding the corner. It's going away."
"Transmittal rate to teachers is very small"
"The excess mortality rate is way down and lower than any country."
"There's abuse. There's tremendous abuse."
"We can't lock ourselves up in a basement like Joe does. He has the ability to lock himself up. He has this thing about living in a basement."
On a vacine
"We have numerous others we're working on with other countries including Europe"
On relationships with foreign adversaries
"While he (Joe Biden) was selling pillows and sheets, I was selling tank busters to Ukraine."
"We have a very good relationship with him (Kim Jong-un). Different kind of a guy, but he probably thinks the same thing about me.
"Nobody is tougher on Russian than Donald Trump."
On his taxes
"It's worse than paying. I paid in advance. It's called prepaying your taxes. I paid in advanced."
"I'd like to terminate Obamacare, come up with a brand new, beautiful healthcare. The democrats will do it because there will be tremendous pressure on them. We might even have the House by that time."
"A lot of these children come over without the parents. They come over through cartels and through coyotes and gangs.
"Catch and Release is a disaster. A murder would come in. A rapist would come in. A very bad person would come in. Less than 1% of the people come back. We have to send I.C.E and Border Control out to find them. When you say they come back, they never come back. Only the really - and I hate to say this - but those with the lowest I.Q. might come back."
On race in America
"I think I have great relationships with all people. I'm the least racist person in this room."
"I can't even see the audience because it's so dark, but I don't care who's in the audience."
On cimate change
"They're all jumping through hoops for AOC plus three"
"They want to make bigger windows into smaller windows. If you had no window it would be a lovely thing."
"They want to knock down buildings and build new buildings with little, tiny, small windows."
"I know more about wind than you do. It's extremely expensive. Kills all the birds. It's very intermittent. It's got a lot of problems"
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