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Is your self-love performative? Here's how to prevent it

Trust the journey that you're on.

Is your self-love performative? Here's how to prevent it
red rose on book sheets
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

It is truly heartwarming to see that self-love is becoming ingrained within society as we know it because of the yearning to be the best versions of ourselves.

Those of us who are on this self-love journey or are starting to tap into this ideal also experience happiness, which is a marvelous thing. It is critically important and relieving when we reach this emotional state.


For me, I can say that I have embraced this term and the aspects of what it means to appreciate yourself for who you are. As a result, I started to begin the journey of inviting more happiness into my life.

Recently, I stumbled across an IGTV video a couple of weeks ago from Nazanin Mandi Pimentel, an influencer, actress, and model. She talked briefly about self-love and some performative tendencies that can stem from it.

Not only was I Intrigued by what she had to say, but the content also had me thinking about self-love and the path that I'm on with it. I have never personally considered that performative self-love happens because I experience a lot of happiness. At the same time, I also recognized that I am a human being and that the feeling of joy won't always be a reality each day.

READ: There are so many things I should've learned about self-love

There are so many things I should've learned about self-love conversations.indy100.com

It's beyond important that you love yourself regardless of where you are on the journey

I have moments when I am completely overwhelmed with joy, and nothing can bring the mood down. I also have moments where I am more introspective and withdrawn. After all, I'm reflecting or saddened because I just saw something distressing in the world. Of course, many people, including myself, prefer to have more uplifting than adverse feelings, but that doesn't mean you need to be hard on yourself for feeling something.

With social media influencers and our peers showing us how much they love themselves or their fondest moments all over their feeds, it could be a lot to witness them always seemingly at peace in the world without any challenging moments.

Despite this, we must understand that social media is what you make it, so what people post is what they want to show the world, not every moment of their lives. Bearing witness to this has convinced us that the top way to receive a fulfilled and happy life, just like social media personalities appear to, is to feel all these emotions of joy and hope.

It further puts pressure on us to avoid difficult emotions even though it's good to approach things head-on. If the feelings aren't confronted as soon as possible, then emotional avoidance begins to happen. The act of emotional avoidance has been linked to poor work performance, lower quality of life, higher chances of anxiety and depression, and substance abuse.

I say all this to say that there are ways to deal with trying moments when experiencing challenging moments. As mentioned above, it's good to embrace each day's ebbs and flows, so take it as it comes and remember that it's OK.

Just pick yourself back up.

The other helpful thing is to recognize that there is no such thing as perfection. Accept that things happen regardless of the outcome being favorable or not. Don't pretend to be someone you're not just to fit in or feel that that's the only way to feel whole inside. At the end of the day, just be more kind to yourself and trust the journey's process.

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Ellie Roddy
Senior writer and blogger
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