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Why as a mum and a psychologist I want us to talk more about dads

January 24, 2022
Fatherhood
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
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I am stood in the kitchen experiencing a jangling combination of exhilaration, because my infant daughter has gone to sleep, and dread, because in just four hours she will wake up again.


“I’m just so tired” I say (for the 1000th time) knowing full well that tired does nothing convey the bone-crunching exhaustion I am feeling. I look at the father of my child. He has come back from work and he seems, well, he actually seems completely fine. But is he?


Most new parents are fine: tired, stressed and uncertain, but able to navigate the joys and challenges of their reconfigured life. I was fortunate that I did not experience serious mental health difficulties during my early life as a parent, but I also have first-hand experience of working with parents who struggle with their mental health. One thing I that is worrying clear is that while the mental health needs of mothers have thankfully gained more prominence over the last few years there has not been corresponding identification of, and support for, fathers who are struggling. This needs to change.


Full disclosure, as a psychologist working with and exploring the experience of parents, the vast majority of my work has involved mothers. This is typical, most of the mental health research which is about ‘parents’ is actually focused on mothers. But, in my current work at the Parenting with Anxiety Project we are committed to involving fathers for the following reasons.


Men experience Post-Natal Depression Too

As Simon, a 42-year-old web developer from Sussex described, in becoming a father he entered into a role for which he had “no experience, no training and very little support”. Soon after the birth of his daughter, Simon found himself facing a lot of stress a work, coupled with the demands of new parenthood. “Life doesn’t start to allow you to become a parent, I work long hours,” Simon told me, explaining how he began to struggle with depression and has continued to experience periods of poor mental health ever since. His story is not unusual: it is thought that one in ten men might experience post-natal depression, which is similar to the levels found in new mothers.


The years of fatherhood are a time of real vulnerability

Men continue be vulnerable across the years of fatherhood. Research into men and women’s experience of ‘parental burnout’, a type of annihilating exhaustion caused by high parenting stress, revealed that while it is more common among women its effects are often more destructive for men. What is more, during their 20s and 30s, when men are most likely to become a father and be involved in the care of a young family, they are also at greatest risk of suicidal thoughts, heavy drinking and drug abuse. Tragically, suicide continues to be the largest killer of men aged under 50.


Not talking about it doesn’t make it go away

Despite this, people rarely talk or think about the mental health of fathers. Sam, an arts professional has worked on a number of projects focussed on supporting male mental health, yet he had never heard it discussed in the context of fatherhood. Yet for Sam, the challenges around his mental health are intertwined with his identity as a father and he is now worried about the impact of his mental health on his children. And the pandemic has only made it worse.

“If I’m having a bad time and it's affecting my mood, then it's also affecting the family life. I find myself thinking: if I was a fully functioning, properly mentally stable human being, would that mean my kids would be less upset in this current situation?”

For fathers, the negative associations related to mental health may be coupled with the common societal views around fatherhood which are focused on capability and strength. A father who is struggling with his mental health may feel he is failing to deliver on these expectations and this can stop him seeking support, even when he is concerned about the impact of his mental health on his family.


If we don’t include fathers how do we know it works for them or their families?

We know more and more about the experience and needs of mothers with mental health challenges and are developing support tailored to them and their children. However, many of these ‘parenting’ interventions were designed and tested with women in mind. We don’t know if they would work in the same way for fathers. Given the perfect storm many fathers are now facing in terms of their mental health, it is essential that research is done to understand how to help them.

The Parenting with Anxiety Project is testing a new online course developed for mothers and fathers who experience anxiety with children aged 2-11. We are committed to including fathers as well as mothers in this work, and hope that the flexibility and accessibility of web-based support will enable more fathers to join us. If you are a parent with anxiety please find out more at parentingwithanxiety.com

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Can tech help female entrepreneurs break the bias?

Women founders continue to come up against common challenges and biases
Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Written by Kelly Devine, Division President UK & Ireland, Mastercard

Starting a business may have historically been perceived as a man’s game, but this couldn’t be further from reality. Research shows women are actually more likely than men to actively choose to start their own business – often motivated by the desire to be their own boss or to have a better work-life balance and spend more time with their family.

The recently published Mastercard Index of Women Entrepreneurship 2021 found that in the category of 'Aspiration Driven Entrepreneurship’ – capturing those who actively choose to start their own business – women in the UK surpass men: 60% vs 56%. And Mastercard research from February 2022 found 10% of female business owners started their business in the past two years compared to 6% of men – meaning women were 67% more likely to have started a business during the pandemic.

Yet, there are common challenges that women founders continue to come up against - not least the gender imbalance in the household and long-held biases which are still prevalent.

In the UK, women are almost three times more likely to be balancing care and home commitments than men, and this was exacerbated during the pandemic as the additional barriers of school closures and lockdowns meant that the care time of dependents rose significantly on a day-to-day level for women. In addition, women were less likely to have access to a home office, greatly impacting the work they were able to accomplish when working from home was the only option.

It's also widely known that female business owners are still more likely to struggle to access funding for their business ideas. According to Dealroom, all-women founding teams received just 1.4% of the €23.7bn invested into UK start-ups in 2021, while all-male leadership teams have taken almost 90% of the available capital.

Without financial support, and when juggling significant time pressures both at home and at work, how can women grow their companies and #BreaktheBias (as this year’s International Women’s Day termed it)? What tools or support can save them time and money, and give them the headspace they need to focus on building their business?

With female owned businesses collectively estimating revenue growth of £120 billion over the next five years, solving this problem is bigger than supporting women – it’s about supporting the national economy.

Using tech to level the playing field

There are clearly societal issues at play that need to be resolved. But when we look at the rise in technology businesses during the pandemic, we can plainly see an alternative source of support critical for business growth: digital tools.

A third of female business owners say new technologies will be crucial to the success of their business in the future and one in five say it is the most important thing for business growth.

With new technology comes new ways to pay, create, and work. And yet there are barriers that prevent business owners accessing this technology. Women are significantly more likely to say they want to use more digital tools but don’t know what is best for their business and also more concerned about the security of digital tools.

When technology is adopted by businesses – whether using online accounting solutions or messenger services for communicating with staff – it saves them time, allows them to maintain and grow their customer base, and ultimately increases cost savings and profit.

By drastically improving the training and support that is available to women-owned business to access and utilise technology we will allow these businesses to grow and succeed. And we know there is demand for it.

Research done by the IFC and Dalberg shows that female entrepreneurs are more likely to invest time and money in business development. This includes product development, customer base expansion, and digital tools and training and there are plenty of services available offering this type of support – many of them for free.

One such programme is Strive UK – an initiative of the Mastercard Center for Inclusive Growth – which aims to reach 650,000 micro and small business owners across the UK and empower them with the tools they need to thrive in the digital economy through free guidance, helpful tools and one-to-one mentoring.

Working together with small business experts – Enterprise Nation, Be the Business and Digital Boost – we hope to ensure hundreds of thousands of UK female business owners have the tools they need to succeed and reach their ambitious goals. Because this ambition remains strong in the UK, with female business owners largely optimistic about the future despite the multitude of challenges they are facing. Four in ten say they will grow their business in the next five years – compared to only a third of male business owners – and they’re also 35% less likely than men to say they plan to downsize or close the business.

But if we do not empower female entrepreneurs to access the tools and technology they need to grow, there is a risk this optimism could be misplaced. Support programmes that provide business owners with guidance and mentorship can help ensure this isn’t the case, allowing female entrepreneurs to not only survive but thrive in the months and years ahead.