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'Is Weymouth in Ukraine?' Talking to young children about war

March 10, 2022
How much should they know about a war going on right now?
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I've always talked openly to the boys about most things; it wasn't a conscious decision so much as an instinctive one.

When they got to the age where they could ask questions, I started answering as honestly as I could whilst keeping their age and level of understanding in mind.

So when Frank asks me about soldiers and battles when we visit castle ruins, or when Bill finds a tampon and asks me what it is, or if they ask me if I believe in God – I answer honestly and simply omit a few details that they probably aren't ready for yet.

I didn't need to bring up the Russian invasion of Ukraine; they have heard about it on the radio, they've overheard grown-ups talking, and as all parents can attest – children's minds are sponge-like, and they are way more aware than we give them credit for.

Bill is three and Frank five. So what should they know, or not know, about a war happening right now?

Bill asked me out of the blue if Weymouth was in Ukraine, possibly, I think, because we have family who lives there. And when we drive over, it seems like a long drive for him, enough for a three-year-old to consider that it may be in a different country.

I assured him it was not and that Ukraine was much further away.

I asked him if he had any more questions and was worried. He said he wasn't afraid, but he did ask many geographical questions, which I was happy to answer.

Frank is really interested in tanks and military history, especially World War I, so naturally, when bombing and troops were mentioned on the radio, I was accosted with a flurry of questions.

For him, it's very much related to his interest in history and war generally. I don't think he has any concept of the true horror of war, past or present.

He once told a shocked volunteer at Corfe Castle that war was his "favourite". I explained that he means he enjoys finding out about soldiers and castles. He doesn't fully understand the human cost (of course, he doesn't – he's five!).

Can any of us truly understand the horror of war without experiencing it firsthand?

When I read about the sheer numbers of lost lives in any conflict, I struggle to properly grasp the level of terror and loss. My mind simply can't fathom it.

As Stalin said, "the death of one man is a tragedy. The death of millions is a statistic".

With Frank almost venerating war in some ways, I think it's important that I explain to him how awful it is. This week we've talked about families packing up and leaving their homes. We've spoken of bomb shelters, babies being born in hospital basements, the concept of refugees, and how we can help.

Its easy for a little boy to want to focus on the heroism of soldiers, which is fine, and there's certainly a lot of inspiration to be found from the Ukrainian resistors.

But I want him to have some understanding of the fact that war isn't glorious; it's terrifying, it's barbaric, and as always, it's the disadvantaged people that suffer most. I'm talking about the Russian soldiers too. Young men sent to fight a war they very likely do not agree with, while the children of Russian oligarchs enjoy their lavish life in London. Frank is aware, too, that the invasion of Ukraine is not the only war going on right now.

I disagree with the idea that discussing war, poverty, famine, racism, or inequality with children as young as mine is in any way inappropriate. I'm creating a foundation that I hope to build on as they grow and mature. I think it would be more damaging to keep them in ignorance, lie, or neglect to answer questions properly.

And ultimately, they are going to hear about big world events, and I'd rather they came to me with questions than worry about it privately. I don't show them any distressing images or videos, and they have no concept of long-range or nuclear missiles.

For them, conflict is far away in different countries, so they feel safe. They feel empathy for Ukrainian people, especially the children, which sometimes makes them feel sad, and I am OK with that.

They should. It is sad. That is an appropriate response.

And they have a sense of how lucky they are to be safe, not to have to flee their homes or worry about war personally. We talked about what toys they would pick if they did have to leave home and seek refuge, and I had a lump in my throat discussing that with them.

For the boys, it was a completely hypothetical scenario, though, and they happily bickered about which teddy would be chosen.

I understand the impulse to want to shield children from bad news, from stories of war or terrorism, but it is possible to engage with them about these horrific topics without traumatising them.

You know your kid; you know what they can understand and how sensitive they might be to the subject matter.

But ignoring what is happening is futile. And my God – how fortunate are we to have the luxury to control when and how our kids find out what war is. A privilege denied to so many parents the world over.

For this, I will never stop feeling incredibly lucky and so very, very sad.

The Independent has a proud history of campaigning for the rights of the most vulnerable, and we first ran our Refugees Welcome campaign during the war in Syria in 2015. Now, as we renew our campaign and launch this petition in the wake of the unfolding Ukrainian crisis, we are calling on the government to go further and faster to ensure help is delivered. To find out more about our Refugees Welcome campaign, click here. To sign the petition click here. If you would like to donate then please click here for our GoFundMe page.

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Can tech help female entrepreneurs break the bias?

Women founders continue to come up against common challenges and biases
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Written by Kelly Devine, Division President UK & Ireland, Mastercard

Starting a business may have historically been perceived as a man’s game, but this couldn’t be further from reality. Research shows women are actually more likely than men to actively choose to start their own business – often motivated by the desire to be their own boss or to have a better work-life balance and spend more time with their family.

The recently published Mastercard Index of Women Entrepreneurship 2021 found that in the category of 'Aspiration Driven Entrepreneurship’ – capturing those who actively choose to start their own business – women in the UK surpass men: 60% vs 56%. And Mastercard research from February 2022 found 10% of female business owners started their business in the past two years compared to 6% of men – meaning women were 67% more likely to have started a business during the pandemic.

Yet, there are common challenges that women founders continue to come up against - not least the gender imbalance in the household and long-held biases which are still prevalent.

In the UK, women are almost three times more likely to be balancing care and home commitments than men, and this was exacerbated during the pandemic as the additional barriers of school closures and lockdowns meant that the care time of dependents rose significantly on a day-to-day level for women. In addition, women were less likely to have access to a home office, greatly impacting the work they were able to accomplish when working from home was the only option.

It's also widely known that female business owners are still more likely to struggle to access funding for their business ideas. According to Dealroom, all-women founding teams received just 1.4% of the €23.7bn invested into UK start-ups in 2021, while all-male leadership teams have taken almost 90% of the available capital.

Without financial support, and when juggling significant time pressures both at home and at work, how can women grow their companies and #BreaktheBias (as this year’s International Women’s Day termed it)? What tools or support can save them time and money, and give them the headspace they need to focus on building their business?

With female owned businesses collectively estimating revenue growth of £120 billion over the next five years, solving this problem is bigger than supporting women – it’s about supporting the national economy.

Using tech to level the playing field

There are clearly societal issues at play that need to be resolved. But when we look at the rise in technology businesses during the pandemic, we can plainly see an alternative source of support critical for business growth: digital tools.

A third of female business owners say new technologies will be crucial to the success of their business in the future and one in five say it is the most important thing for business growth.

With new technology comes new ways to pay, create, and work. And yet there are barriers that prevent business owners accessing this technology. Women are significantly more likely to say they want to use more digital tools but don’t know what is best for their business and also more concerned about the security of digital tools.

When technology is adopted by businesses – whether using online accounting solutions or messenger services for communicating with staff – it saves them time, allows them to maintain and grow their customer base, and ultimately increases cost savings and profit.

By drastically improving the training and support that is available to women-owned business to access and utilise technology we will allow these businesses to grow and succeed. And we know there is demand for it.

Research done by the IFC and Dalberg shows that female entrepreneurs are more likely to invest time and money in business development. This includes product development, customer base expansion, and digital tools and training and there are plenty of services available offering this type of support – many of them for free.

One such programme is Strive UK – an initiative of the Mastercard Center for Inclusive Growth – which aims to reach 650,000 micro and small business owners across the UK and empower them with the tools they need to thrive in the digital economy through free guidance, helpful tools and one-to-one mentoring.

Working together with small business experts – Enterprise Nation, Be the Business and Digital Boost – we hope to ensure hundreds of thousands of UK female business owners have the tools they need to succeed and reach their ambitious goals. Because this ambition remains strong in the UK, with female business owners largely optimistic about the future despite the multitude of challenges they are facing. Four in ten say they will grow their business in the next five years – compared to only a third of male business owners – and they’re also 35% less likely than men to say they plan to downsize or close the business.

But if we do not empower female entrepreneurs to access the tools and technology they need to grow, there is a risk this optimism could be misplaced. Support programmes that provide business owners with guidance and mentorship can help ensure this isn’t the case, allowing female entrepreneurs to not only survive but thrive in the months and years ahead.