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Love me, love me not: How to love someone with different love languages than yourself

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What comes to mind when you think about love? Roses, flowers, chocolate, forehead kisses, and intimacy? To some, this may be the case. To others, maybe not so much. So what do you do?

You really love and care about the person you are with, but then you realize there are a few levels and miscommunication when trying to express those feelings of love to one another. When this happens to some couples, (speaking from personal experiences) it fizzles out because one or both parties involved in the relationship aren't communicating effectively. My friends would sometimes say, "I don't know what happened, I thought we really cared about each other,at least I did, Iwas so gracious, trying to reach out and communicate with him. I would cook, make surprises, and also make time to see said person even though I have a busy schedule."

This prompted me to try and figure out why this happens in relationships and what can be done to make sure relationships become stronger. When I eventually hopped on the internet to research why this happens to relationships, I came across two words: love languages. Now I've heard about love languages before, but I didn't know exactly what It would entail.

If you also have heard about the love languages or are unsure about what they are, here's a breakdown: Developed by Dr. Gary Chapman, a marriage counselor, speaker, and the author of The New York Times bestseller The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts, states there are five main love languages, and each one of us expresses ourselves in one or a few particular ways within our relationships. Each of the languages are what they seem:

  • Physical touch
  • Words of affirmation
  • Gifts
  • Quality time
  • Acts of service

If your love language happens to be acts of service (this happens to be my significant other's love language), you're the most valued and loved when your partner does things to help you (without having to ask). If you're unsure what your love language is, take the test here to find out.

What's also really interesting about uncovering the love languages are the four tests you can take depending on your relationship status: one for singles, one for kids (they have love languages as well), one for teens, and one for couples.

Although we may have different love languages, which can pose some challenges, there are definitely still ways to reinforce the romantic bond.

Learn what each other's love languages are

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My significant other and I know each other's love languages now, but we've also come to the understanding that there is always room to learn and grow more. By learning and understanding each other's love language, you and your partner can better understand each other and how to approach certain situations within the relationship.

Everyone is different, and by taking the time to understanding your partner's feelings and concerns can go a long way. You would be surprised by the amount of conflicts that could be solved if couples simply took the time to listen and understand their partners.

Discuss what you learned

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After all the research, what better opportunity to chat about what you love the most in your relationship, what you need, and hopes for the future of the relationship. This can even be a fun activity for both of you to grow closer.

Learn to compromise with one another


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One of the best (or worst) things about having vastly different love languages is that it really teaches you to compromise if you wanted to work. Compromise sometimes can feel like a bad word because you may feel that you have two entirely give up a certain aspect of yourself. Still, there is an element of compromise in every relationship to take time to understand the wants and needs of our significant other (and vice versa) so love is expressed in every way that can be understood.

Moreover, always remember it's okay to have different love languages from your significant other. It makes our lives and matters of the heart interestingly beautiful because there is understanding and communication that although there will be differences, there's a way to feel good about the candidness to triumph past it.

These are the author's own opinions about relationships and what's worked for her.


Women founders continue to come up against common challenges and biases

Written by Kelly Devine, Division President UK & Ireland, Mastercard

Starting a business may have historically been perceived as a man’s game, but this couldn’t be further from reality. Research shows women are actually more likely than men to actively choose to start their own business – often motivated by the desire to be their own boss or to have a better work-life balance and spend more time with their family.

The recently published Mastercard Index of Women Entrepreneurship 2021 found that in the category of 'Aspiration Driven Entrepreneurship’ – capturing those who actively choose to start their own business – women in the UK surpass men: 60% vs 56%. And Mastercard research from February 2022 found 10% of female business owners started their business in the past two years compared to 6% of men – meaning women were 67% more likely to have started a business during the pandemic.

Yet, there are common challenges that women founders continue to come up against - not least the gender imbalance in the household and long-held biases which are still prevalent.

In the UK, women are almost three times more likely to be balancing care and home commitments than men, and this was exacerbated during the pandemic as the additional barriers of school closures and lockdowns meant that the care time of dependents rose significantly on a day-to-day level for women. In addition, women were less likely to have access to a home office, greatly impacting the work they were able to accomplish when working from home was the only option.

It's also widely known that female business owners are still more likely to struggle to access funding for their business ideas. According to Dealroom, all-women founding teams received just 1.4% of the €23.7bn invested into UK start-ups in 2021, while all-male leadership teams have taken almost 90% of the available capital.

Without financial support, and when juggling significant time pressures both at home and at work, how can women grow their companies and #BreaktheBias (as this year’s International Women’s Day termed it)? What tools or support can save them time and money, and give them the headspace they need to focus on building their business?

With female owned businesses collectively estimating revenue growth of £120 billion over the next five years, solving this problem is bigger than supporting women – it’s about supporting the national economy.

Using tech to level the playing field

There are clearly societal issues at play that need to be resolved. But when we look at the rise in technology businesses during the pandemic, we can plainly see an alternative source of support critical for business growth: digital tools.

A third of female business owners say new technologies will be crucial to the success of their business in the future and one in five say it is the most important thing for business growth.

With new technology comes new ways to pay, create, and work. And yet there are barriers that prevent business owners accessing this technology. Women are significantly more likely to say they want to use more digital tools but don’t know what is best for their business and also more concerned about the security of digital tools.

When technology is adopted by businesses – whether using online accounting solutions or messenger services for communicating with staff – it saves them time, allows them to maintain and grow their customer base, and ultimately increases cost savings and profit.

By drastically improving the training and support that is available to women-owned business to access and utilise technology we will allow these businesses to grow and succeed. And we know there is demand for it.

Research done by the IFC and Dalberg shows that female entrepreneurs are more likely to invest time and money in business development. This includes product development, customer base expansion, and digital tools and training and there are plenty of services available offering this type of support – many of them for free.

One such programme is Strive UK – an initiative of the Mastercard Center for Inclusive Growth – which aims to reach 650,000 micro and small business owners across the UK and empower them with the tools they need to thrive in the digital economy through free guidance, helpful tools and one-to-one mentoring.

Working together with small business experts – Enterprise Nation, Be the Business and Digital Boost – we hope to ensure hundreds of thousands of UK female business owners have the tools they need to succeed and reach their ambitious goals. Because this ambition remains strong in the UK, with female business owners largely optimistic about the future despite the multitude of challenges they are facing. Four in ten say they will grow their business in the next five years – compared to only a third of male business owners – and they’re also 35% less likely than men to say they plan to downsize or close the business.

But if we do not empower female entrepreneurs to access the tools and technology they need to grow, there is a risk this optimism could be misplaced. Support programmes that provide business owners with guidance and mentorship can help ensure this isn’t the case, allowing female entrepreneurs to not only survive but thrive in the months and years ahead.