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Misogyny is a destructive knotweed among queer men

May 13, 2021
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When it comes to gay and bi men's mental health, one of the biggest stumbling blocks we face is internalised homophobia and biphobia – likely from an early adoption of toxic behaviours picked up in the playground and carried on into adulthood.

Alexander Leon stated on Twitter recently that 'Queer people don't grow up as ourselves, we grow up playing a version of ourselves that sacrifices authenticity to minimise humiliation and prejudice. The massive task of our adult lives is to unpick which parts of ourselves are truly us and which parts we've created to protect us."

It's important to remember a key statistic here. Gay and bisexual men are four times more likely to attempt suicide across their lifetime than the rest of the population. Reasons for this are complex and studies are exploring the cause and effect of such high figures, looking at roles played by discrimination, substance abuse, access to healthcare, and isolation (particularly in more mature gay and bi men). These areas have all actively contributed to the decline in mental health we've observed in queer men, but I'd argue a greater focus needs to be placed on our understanding of gender expression if we're to get to the root of the issue.

From a very young age, I (like most other gay men) have been surrounded by highly stylised examples of binarized gender behaviour. Boys can do 'this'. Girls can do 'this'. And never the twain shall meet. But I learned early on that this wasn't necessarily the case for all people, and I realised that adhering to standards you don't believe in can be mentally exhausting.

We see it daily on the apps and dating sites. 'No camp' 'Straight acting only' 'No femme' 'Guys should look like guys'. I firmly believe this aversion to displays of femininity is inexorably linked to misogyny, and I'll be honest, seeing those 'disclaimers' in bios is the fastest way to tell the world you're a gigantic bigot and have a lot of learning you still need to do. It's not 'just a preference'; it's a broad stroke generalisation that does more damage to our community than you might initially realise.

Nobody is born homophobic. We learn these behaviours in home and school environments, and then eventually must 'un-learn' them as we realise the impact it's having on our ongoing mental health and the health of the wider LGBT+ community. We spend a lifetime modifying behaviours we feel only stand to further isolate us, but in doing so we forfeit the right to live unashamedly and authentically.

So how do we fix this problem? It's certainly not going to evaporate over night, and I'm of the opinion it requires a 'root and stem' approach. Like that damn Japanese knotweed, toxic masculinity runs deep. Call out negative patterns and rhetoric as it happens around you yes. But going further to address issues in education environments needs to be a high priority to disable the cyclical/generational nature of learned behaviour. Parents, teachers or guardians (however unwittingly) display a poor understanding of the fluidity and nuance of gender expression, and then reinforce dated tropes about manliness and womanliness amongst the next generation. The same generation then go on to become teachers, parents, guardians themselves, and continue to perpetuate the same harmful stereotypes about gender that serve no one.

As men (not just gay and bi men – all men), it's our responsibility to dismantle the systems that have kept us indifferent to our own mental health for so long. We need to hold each other accountable for the language that we use, and the way we interact with each other and the rest of the world. I have a suspicion that if you look at cases of domestic abuse/violence, sexual harassment, transphobia, homophobia and biphobia, you needn't look too far before you find evidence of toxic masculinity and misogyny floating around at the bottom of the barrel.

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Can tech help female entrepreneurs break the bias?

Women founders continue to come up against common challenges and biases
Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Written by Kelly Devine, Division President UK & Ireland, Mastercard

Starting a business may have historically been perceived as a man’s game, but this couldn’t be further from reality. Research shows women are actually more likely than men to actively choose to start their own business – often motivated by the desire to be their own boss or to have a better work-life balance and spend more time with their family.

The recently published Mastercard Index of Women Entrepreneurship 2021 found that in the category of 'Aspiration Driven Entrepreneurship’ – capturing those who actively choose to start their own business – women in the UK surpass men: 60% vs 56%. And Mastercard research from February 2022 found 10% of female business owners started their business in the past two years compared to 6% of men – meaning women were 67% more likely to have started a business during the pandemic.

Yet, there are common challenges that women founders continue to come up against - not least the gender imbalance in the household and long-held biases which are still prevalent.

In the UK, women are almost three times more likely to be balancing care and home commitments than men, and this was exacerbated during the pandemic as the additional barriers of school closures and lockdowns meant that the care time of dependents rose significantly on a day-to-day level for women. In addition, women were less likely to have access to a home office, greatly impacting the work they were able to accomplish when working from home was the only option.

It's also widely known that female business owners are still more likely to struggle to access funding for their business ideas. According to Dealroom, all-women founding teams received just 1.4% of the €23.7bn invested into UK start-ups in 2021, while all-male leadership teams have taken almost 90% of the available capital.

Without financial support, and when juggling significant time pressures both at home and at work, how can women grow their companies and #BreaktheBias (as this year’s International Women’s Day termed it)? What tools or support can save them time and money, and give them the headspace they need to focus on building their business?

With female owned businesses collectively estimating revenue growth of £120 billion over the next five years, solving this problem is bigger than supporting women – it’s about supporting the national economy.

Using tech to level the playing field

There are clearly societal issues at play that need to be resolved. But when we look at the rise in technology businesses during the pandemic, we can plainly see an alternative source of support critical for business growth: digital tools.

A third of female business owners say new technologies will be crucial to the success of their business in the future and one in five say it is the most important thing for business growth.

With new technology comes new ways to pay, create, and work. And yet there are barriers that prevent business owners accessing this technology. Women are significantly more likely to say they want to use more digital tools but don’t know what is best for their business and also more concerned about the security of digital tools.

When technology is adopted by businesses – whether using online accounting solutions or messenger services for communicating with staff – it saves them time, allows them to maintain and grow their customer base, and ultimately increases cost savings and profit.

By drastically improving the training and support that is available to women-owned business to access and utilise technology we will allow these businesses to grow and succeed. And we know there is demand for it.

Research done by the IFC and Dalberg shows that female entrepreneurs are more likely to invest time and money in business development. This includes product development, customer base expansion, and digital tools and training and there are plenty of services available offering this type of support – many of them for free.

One such programme is Strive UK – an initiative of the Mastercard Center for Inclusive Growth – which aims to reach 650,000 micro and small business owners across the UK and empower them with the tools they need to thrive in the digital economy through free guidance, helpful tools and one-to-one mentoring.

Working together with small business experts – Enterprise Nation, Be the Business and Digital Boost – we hope to ensure hundreds of thousands of UK female business owners have the tools they need to succeed and reach their ambitious goals. Because this ambition remains strong in the UK, with female business owners largely optimistic about the future despite the multitude of challenges they are facing. Four in ten say they will grow their business in the next five years – compared to only a third of male business owners – and they’re also 35% less likely than men to say they plan to downsize or close the business.

But if we do not empower female entrepreneurs to access the tools and technology they need to grow, there is a risk this optimism could be misplaced. Support programmes that provide business owners with guidance and mentorship can help ensure this isn’t the case, allowing female entrepreneurs to not only survive but thrive in the months and years ahead.