☰
World NewsCovid-19NewsUK NewsUS NewsPolitics2020 electionCultureLifePeopleTechEntertainmentIdentitiesGenderClassLGBTQ+RaceEducation
Start writing a post

Why is it more difficult to make friends the older you get - and how can you make it easier?

December 28, 2020
women forming heart gestures during daytime
Photo by Melissa Askew on Unsplash
Sandra Salathe
and
Indy100-Conversations

Growing up, making friends wasn't difficult. Being naturally outgoing, making new connections was an easy task to accomplish. It was, for lack of a better analogy, as easy as taking a deep breath. However, now that I'm entering into my 30s, that elementary mentality I once possessed is swiftly diminishing. The same can also be said regarding my group of girlfriends.

With most having moved away for work, or settling down with their significant others, I've come to realize my close-knit group of girlfriends has swiftly dwindled. There's also the fact I recently moved to a new city, during a global pandemic, which makes things sightly more complicated. Gone are the days I could meet a friend out for cocktails, or take a sporadic road trip with. My nights are now compromised of Indian takeout, and a string of perpetual Netflix binging.

In other words, I've become Miranda Hobbes incarnate. Which, isn't necessarily a negative factor, but it isn't exactly how I pictured living out my twenties. I've always valued my female friendships, holding them to an incredibly high standard above every other relationship in my life. So, in an effort to make new friends, and break free from my friendless coma, I began doing some online research.

Within moments, I was redirected to a cyber meet-up group, cleverly titled; MeetUp. If you're not already familiar with the site, think of it as a subtler version of Tinder, specifically designed to make new connections, while experiencing new things in your area. I figured it couldn't hurt.

We do everything else online, why not make friends?

With that being said, I ended up joining a few groups, the majority of which consisting of women close within my age range. With the spread of Covid-19, most of the activities transformed into virtual Meetups, which initially was daunting. I had all these fears building up to the actual event, which was a virtual book club meeting to review She Said by Jodi Kantor and Megan Twohey. Initially, I was overwhelmed with anxiety. What if these women didn't like me? What if I didn't like them? Thoughts, which I never spent time considering, were now echoing throughout my mind.

The virtual meeting started off awkwardly, mainly because I was running late and ended up being the last one to join. Once the introductions were complete, the evening continued to feel strained. At one point, I even found myself referring to corny jokes, which-to my dismay; received no appreciation. It was in that precise moment I realized how similar the process was to dating. So similar, the two could easily be mistaken for one another.

However, once we got to discussing the book (which examines the takedown of Harvey Weinstein), and the wine in my glass began to have an effect, the experience became slightly less paralyzing. To my surprise, I quickly discovered most of these women were harboring the exact same insecurities as me.

"I think as we grow older, our inhibitions become more pronounced, and it makes it extremely more difficult for us to create new connections," commented one woman. "It's as though we've transitioned into these emotionally challenged beings."

"Then there's also the fact most of us work extremely long hours, so meeting new people can be somewhat challenging," commented another.

Listening to these women, I couldn't help but resonate with their narratives. It baffles me, because I would never classify myself as an introvert. I've always enjoyed the company of strong and empowered women, but it's the introduction process that occurs beforehand that truly terrifies me. Why should creating lifelong friendships feel daunting? It should feel the opposite.

As the night gradually progressed, and the discussion continued flowing, everyone's personalities began to properly shine through. I like to think of it as the evening's "kumbaya"moment, when everyone placed their wariness in a separate corner, allowing themselves to enjoy the evening. Either that, or everyone's wine had a stronger effect than anticipated. Once there was an adequate amount of alcohol within my system, I began to divulge my own insecurities, discovering they mirrored many of the other individuals.

By the time the evening was finished, I couldn't remember why I had initially been so nervous. At the end of the night, I ended up making a ton of great friends, and no longer felt like a friendless unfortunate. Making new friends shouldn't be a distressing goal to accomplish. When you consider the infinite amount of gender-based injustice women encounter on a daily basis, female friendships should be held at an incredibly high standard. Especially with the success of the Women's March, along with the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements.

But to some, including myself, that isn't always the case. My advice for anyone looking to make new friends; don't put so much thought into it. The longer you spend worrying about the trivialities, the more you'll miss out on making some great memories. I mean, think about it. What's the worse that could happen?

friendships

Trending Topics

Can tech help female entrepreneurs break the bias?

Women founders continue to come up against common challenges and biases
Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Written by Kelly Devine, Division President UK & Ireland, Mastercard

Starting a business may have historically been perceived as a man’s game, but this couldn’t be further from reality. Research shows women are actually more likely than men to actively choose to start their own business – often motivated by the desire to be their own boss or to have a better work-life balance and spend more time with their family.

The recently published Mastercard Index of Women Entrepreneurship 2021 found that in the category of 'Aspiration Driven Entrepreneurship’ – capturing those who actively choose to start their own business – women in the UK surpass men: 60% vs 56%. And Mastercard research from February 2022 found 10% of female business owners started their business in the past two years compared to 6% of men – meaning women were 67% more likely to have started a business during the pandemic.

Yet, there are common challenges that women founders continue to come up against - not least the gender imbalance in the household and long-held biases which are still prevalent.

In the UK, women are almost three times more likely to be balancing care and home commitments than men, and this was exacerbated during the pandemic as the additional barriers of school closures and lockdowns meant that the care time of dependents rose significantly on a day-to-day level for women. In addition, women were less likely to have access to a home office, greatly impacting the work they were able to accomplish when working from home was the only option.

It's also widely known that female business owners are still more likely to struggle to access funding for their business ideas. According to Dealroom, all-women founding teams received just 1.4% of the €23.7bn invested into UK start-ups in 2021, while all-male leadership teams have taken almost 90% of the available capital.

Without financial support, and when juggling significant time pressures both at home and at work, how can women grow their companies and #BreaktheBias (as this year’s International Women’s Day termed it)? What tools or support can save them time and money, and give them the headspace they need to focus on building their business?

With female owned businesses collectively estimating revenue growth of £120 billion over the next five years, solving this problem is bigger than supporting women – it’s about supporting the national economy.

Using tech to level the playing field

There are clearly societal issues at play that need to be resolved. But when we look at the rise in technology businesses during the pandemic, we can plainly see an alternative source of support critical for business growth: digital tools.

A third of female business owners say new technologies will be crucial to the success of their business in the future and one in five say it is the most important thing for business growth.

With new technology comes new ways to pay, create, and work. And yet there are barriers that prevent business owners accessing this technology. Women are significantly more likely to say they want to use more digital tools but don’t know what is best for their business and also more concerned about the security of digital tools.

When technology is adopted by businesses – whether using online accounting solutions or messenger services for communicating with staff – it saves them time, allows them to maintain and grow their customer base, and ultimately increases cost savings and profit.

By drastically improving the training and support that is available to women-owned business to access and utilise technology we will allow these businesses to grow and succeed. And we know there is demand for it.

Research done by the IFC and Dalberg shows that female entrepreneurs are more likely to invest time and money in business development. This includes product development, customer base expansion, and digital tools and training and there are plenty of services available offering this type of support – many of them for free.

One such programme is Strive UK – an initiative of the Mastercard Center for Inclusive Growth – which aims to reach 650,000 micro and small business owners across the UK and empower them with the tools they need to thrive in the digital economy through free guidance, helpful tools and one-to-one mentoring.

Working together with small business experts – Enterprise Nation, Be the Business and Digital Boost – we hope to ensure hundreds of thousands of UK female business owners have the tools they need to succeed and reach their ambitious goals. Because this ambition remains strong in the UK, with female business owners largely optimistic about the future despite the multitude of challenges they are facing. Four in ten say they will grow their business in the next five years – compared to only a third of male business owners – and they’re also 35% less likely than men to say they plan to downsize or close the business.

But if we do not empower female entrepreneurs to access the tools and technology they need to grow, there is a risk this optimism could be misplaced. Support programmes that provide business owners with guidance and mentorship can help ensure this isn’t the case, allowing female entrepreneurs to not only survive but thrive in the months and years ahead.