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What Demi Lovato's brave admittance to being sexually assaulted teaches us about consent

Demi Lovato performs onstage during the 62nd Annual GRAMMY Awards at STAPLES Center on January 26, 2020 in Los Angeles, California.
(Photo by Emma McIntyre/Getty Images for The Recording Academy)

Demi Lovato has never shied away from being her authentic self. She's continuously shared her struggles with addiction, mental health and her eating disorder, advocating for numerous individuals experiencing those same issues in the process. Another issue Lovato is shedding light on is sexual assault.

During her new docuseries, Demi Lovato: Dancing with the Devil, which premiered a the SXSW Film Festival Tuesday, Lovato revealed she lost her virginity after being raped as a teenager.

"When I was a teenager, I was in a very similar situation. I lost my virginity in a rape," the songstress shared. "I called that person back a month later and tried to make it right by being in control, and all it did was just make me feel worse."

Lovato was only 15 at the time.

"We were hooking up, but I said, 'Hey this is not going any further. I'm a virgin and I don't want to lose it this way.' And that didn't matter to them, they did it anyways," Lovato explained. "I internalized it. I told myself it was my fault because I still went in the room with him. I still hooked up with him."

Demi Lovato: Dancing with the Devil | Official Trailerwww.youtube.com

At the time, Lovato mentioned she was "part of that Disney crowd" who publicly vowed to wait until marriage before having sex. Because of that, Lovato said she was afraid to speak out, which ultimately contributed to her eating disorder and harming herself to cope.

"I didn't have the romantic first time with anybody. That was not it for me, and that sucked, then I had to see that person all the time," she explained. "So, I stopped eating and coped in other ways — cutting, throwing up, whatever. My bulimia got so bad that I started throwing up blood for the first time."

Lovato went on to say the individual who assaulted her never suffered any consequences for their actions. Instead, they were rewarded with a role in a new film. She also added that her Christian upbringing played a part in her remaining silent.

This, my friends, is the narrative Hollywood has created for women who speak out. Ultimately, they're undermined for standing up to a system that would rather silence them than have them speak their truth. But here's the thing, Lovato wasn't yet a woman: she was just a child.

Rather than being heard by an industry that should've protected her in the first place, Lovato was ignored and turned away. This is yet another reminder that male violence seeps heavily into every major institution, and women are the ones left to pay the price.

In addition to her assault as a teenager, Lovato also revealed she was assaulted by her drug dealer during the night of her 2018 overdose.

We need to talk about the message "Athlete A" sends about sexual assault allegationsconversations.indy100.com

"I didn't just overdose – I also was taken advantage of," Lovato says. "I've had my fair share of sexual trauma throughout childhood, teenage years. And when they found me, I was naked, I was blue. I was literally left for dead after he took advantage of me" Lovato added that while she remembers flashes of the encounter, she wasn't in "any state of mind to make a consensual decision."

Consent should never be viewed as a blurred line. In fact, it should always remain straight and visible. But the thing is, so many individuals have a distorted image of what consent is. Therein lies the issue. At the end of the day, consent should always be an ongoing system of discussing boundaries and what you're comfortable with.

If someone is passed out or intoxicated to the point where they can't coherently make those decisions, then the option for sex is immediately removed off the table.

It is a two-sided conversation among two individuals. If only one person is participating in the conversation, that's when the problem arises. Furthermore, schools, as well as parents, need to do better in actively engaging children in conversations surrounding consent. When we change the conversation, only then can we change the culture.

My heart truly breaks for Lovato. She was failed by an industry who should've protected her. For that, it owes her an apology.

We shouldn't be asking what women can do differently. Women are not the problem. It's men who need to change. They need to hold their counterparts accountable for their toxic behavior, and support women when they speak out against perpetrators instead of undermining them.

Demi Lovato: Dancing With The Devil will be available beginning on March 23 on YouTube.

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Women founders continue to come up against common challenges and biases

Written by Kelly Devine, Division President UK & Ireland, Mastercard

Starting a business may have historically been perceived as a man’s game, but this couldn’t be further from reality. Research shows women are actually more likely than men to actively choose to start their own business – often motivated by the desire to be their own boss or to have a better work-life balance and spend more time with their family.

The recently published Mastercard Index of Women Entrepreneurship 2021 found that in the category of 'Aspiration Driven Entrepreneurship’ – capturing those who actively choose to start their own business – women in the UK surpass men: 60% vs 56%. And Mastercard research from February 2022 found 10% of female business owners started their business in the past two years compared to 6% of men – meaning women were 67% more likely to have started a business during the pandemic.

Yet, there are common challenges that women founders continue to come up against - not least the gender imbalance in the household and long-held biases which are still prevalent.

In the UK, women are almost three times more likely to be balancing care and home commitments than men, and this was exacerbated during the pandemic as the additional barriers of school closures and lockdowns meant that the care time of dependents rose significantly on a day-to-day level for women. In addition, women were less likely to have access to a home office, greatly impacting the work they were able to accomplish when working from home was the only option.

It's also widely known that female business owners are still more likely to struggle to access funding for their business ideas. According to Dealroom, all-women founding teams received just 1.4% of the €23.7bn invested into UK start-ups in 2021, while all-male leadership teams have taken almost 90% of the available capital.

Without financial support, and when juggling significant time pressures both at home and at work, how can women grow their companies and #BreaktheBias (as this year’s International Women’s Day termed it)? What tools or support can save them time and money, and give them the headspace they need to focus on building their business?

With female owned businesses collectively estimating revenue growth of £120 billion over the next five years, solving this problem is bigger than supporting women – it’s about supporting the national economy.

Using tech to level the playing field

There are clearly societal issues at play that need to be resolved. But when we look at the rise in technology businesses during the pandemic, we can plainly see an alternative source of support critical for business growth: digital tools.

A third of female business owners say new technologies will be crucial to the success of their business in the future and one in five say it is the most important thing for business growth.

With new technology comes new ways to pay, create, and work. And yet there are barriers that prevent business owners accessing this technology. Women are significantly more likely to say they want to use more digital tools but don’t know what is best for their business and also more concerned about the security of digital tools.

When technology is adopted by businesses – whether using online accounting solutions or messenger services for communicating with staff – it saves them time, allows them to maintain and grow their customer base, and ultimately increases cost savings and profit.

By drastically improving the training and support that is available to women-owned business to access and utilise technology we will allow these businesses to grow and succeed. And we know there is demand for it.

Research done by the IFC and Dalberg shows that female entrepreneurs are more likely to invest time and money in business development. This includes product development, customer base expansion, and digital tools and training and there are plenty of services available offering this type of support – many of them for free.

One such programme is Strive UK – an initiative of the Mastercard Center for Inclusive Growth – which aims to reach 650,000 micro and small business owners across the UK and empower them with the tools they need to thrive in the digital economy through free guidance, helpful tools and one-to-one mentoring.

Working together with small business experts – Enterprise Nation, Be the Business and Digital Boost – we hope to ensure hundreds of thousands of UK female business owners have the tools they need to succeed and reach their ambitious goals. Because this ambition remains strong in the UK, with female business owners largely optimistic about the future despite the multitude of challenges they are facing. Four in ten say they will grow their business in the next five years – compared to only a third of male business owners – and they’re also 35% less likely than men to say they plan to downsize or close the business.

But if we do not empower female entrepreneurs to access the tools and technology they need to grow, there is a risk this optimism could be misplaced. Support programmes that provide business owners with guidance and mentorship can help ensure this isn’t the case, allowing female entrepreneurs to not only survive but thrive in the months and years ahead.