Start writing a post

Why I don’t always expect my children to be completely truthful

A mom and her two sins
Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

It's 7 am on a Wednesday.

My five-year-old bursts into our room like a whirlwind, and I blearily say good morning and remind him that he's going into school dressed in his onesie and wellies for a "wild rumpus day."

He replied, "Yes, I know. Don't forget we need to bring in sausages for the party".

Suddenly I'm wide awake and interrogating him; "What sausages? What party? What do you mean we're bringing sausages?!" I have a vague memory of going into school as a kid with sausage rolls or cheese and pineapple sticks for end-of-year parties, but I didn't think that was still a thing.

In reaction to my questioning, he was adamant; he claimed a letter had been sent home regarding these sausages, and although I reasoned that the school would have sent a text or email, we do get a lot of messages.

And let's be honest – some of them slip through the net.

The net being my waning interest in school spam. So it is fathomable that a sausage email was sent and went unread. With this in mind, I started panicking slightly and began silently mapping out how much earlier we'd have to leave the house if the school run involved an emergency trip to Tesco Express on a mad sausage hunt.

Thank the sweet baby Jesus for the class parents Whatsapp group, because a quick message on there and it quickly became apparent that the kids weren't bringing food in at all and that it was a complete fabrication.

Was he lying to get sausages? Or was he confused by something (perhaps they were discussing party food and got his wires crossed?)?

Either way, I'm so pleased I didn't randomly send him in with a pack of sausages for no reason. His teacher would have thought I'd finally lost it.

Lying is a tricky one with kids, isn't it. At first glance, we may be horrified at the idea of our offspring lying to us; imagine the inflection as I clutch my (fake) pearls, "I just CAN'T believe he LIED to me, and about sausages no less".

But here's the thing – we lie quite often in front of them, to them, to each other, to ourselves.

Is it unreasonable to expect them to always tell the truth? An impossible standard that we do not hold ourselves to.

Of course, there are varying degrees of lies. Big lies can erode trust and shatter families. But little lies (Fleetwood Mac in my head now) can often be the kinder option. We lie to protect those around us from being hurt or, in the case of our kids, to protect their innocence.

One could argue that the concept of Father Christmas is the biggest fib going, and yet we merrily lie through our teeth enthusiastically all through December.

I am pretty confident I can tell when my kids are lying 99 per cent of the time, and I'm pretty sure my mum still knows when I'm lying even though I'm in my mid-thirties and have had a lot of practice.

It's easy to get cross with kids when they lie to us but let's consider how often we encourage them to lie, to say they like a gift to spare a family member's feelings, perhaps.

Personally, I don't expect the boys to always be completely truthful. Sometimes their truth bombs can be very unwelcome, such as their thoughts on my "big wobbly tummy." I really hope that they feel able to confide in me and tell me anything that's bothering them.

I'm not going to demand absolute truth, but if there is something they need to tell me, I hope they always feel they can.

We were driving home from school one day, and he said, out of the blue, "I'm not like the other children." I felt my heart jolt and braced myself for a serious conversation. After a deep breath, I asked him, "Why do you say that, sweetie?"

He replied – "I'm half vampire because the sun burns me sometimes, and I like the taste of my own blood when I get a cut." Oh, OK then – you creepy child of mine.

One day this conversation might go a bit differently, or something else will come up that is more serious than his notions of half-human half-vampire existence.

When that day comes, I won't care about lies about sausages or who stole a biscuit – I'll just be thankful they could share with me. I hope they will.

In the meantime, I'll try not to lie to them too much – Santa lies aside, of course.

Women founders continue to come up against common challenges and biases

Written by Kelly Devine, Division President UK & Ireland, Mastercard

Starting a business may have historically been perceived as a man’s game, but this couldn’t be further from reality. Research shows women are actually more likely than men to actively choose to start their own business – often motivated by the desire to be their own boss or to have a better work-life balance and spend more time with their family.

The recently published Mastercard Index of Women Entrepreneurship 2021 found that in the category of 'Aspiration Driven Entrepreneurship’ – capturing those who actively choose to start their own business – women in the UK surpass men: 60% vs 56%. And Mastercard research from February 2022 found 10% of female business owners started their business in the past two years compared to 6% of men – meaning women were 67% more likely to have started a business during the pandemic.

Yet, there are common challenges that women founders continue to come up against - not least the gender imbalance in the household and long-held biases which are still prevalent.

In the UK, women are almost three times more likely to be balancing care and home commitments than men, and this was exacerbated during the pandemic as the additional barriers of school closures and lockdowns meant that the care time of dependents rose significantly on a day-to-day level for women. In addition, women were less likely to have access to a home office, greatly impacting the work they were able to accomplish when working from home was the only option.

It's also widely known that female business owners are still more likely to struggle to access funding for their business ideas. According to Dealroom, all-women founding teams received just 1.4% of the €23.7bn invested into UK start-ups in 2021, while all-male leadership teams have taken almost 90% of the available capital.

Without financial support, and when juggling significant time pressures both at home and at work, how can women grow their companies and #BreaktheBias (as this year’s International Women’s Day termed it)? What tools or support can save them time and money, and give them the headspace they need to focus on building their business?

With female owned businesses collectively estimating revenue growth of £120 billion over the next five years, solving this problem is bigger than supporting women – it’s about supporting the national economy.

Using tech to level the playing field

There are clearly societal issues at play that need to be resolved. But when we look at the rise in technology businesses during the pandemic, we can plainly see an alternative source of support critical for business growth: digital tools.

A third of female business owners say new technologies will be crucial to the success of their business in the future and one in five say it is the most important thing for business growth.

With new technology comes new ways to pay, create, and work. And yet there are barriers that prevent business owners accessing this technology. Women are significantly more likely to say they want to use more digital tools but don’t know what is best for their business and also more concerned about the security of digital tools.

When technology is adopted by businesses – whether using online accounting solutions or messenger services for communicating with staff – it saves them time, allows them to maintain and grow their customer base, and ultimately increases cost savings and profit.

By drastically improving the training and support that is available to women-owned business to access and utilise technology we will allow these businesses to grow and succeed. And we know there is demand for it.

Research done by the IFC and Dalberg shows that female entrepreneurs are more likely to invest time and money in business development. This includes product development, customer base expansion, and digital tools and training and there are plenty of services available offering this type of support – many of them for free.

One such programme is Strive UK – an initiative of the Mastercard Center for Inclusive Growth – which aims to reach 650,000 micro and small business owners across the UK and empower them with the tools they need to thrive in the digital economy through free guidance, helpful tools and one-to-one mentoring.

Working together with small business experts – Enterprise Nation, Be the Business and Digital Boost – we hope to ensure hundreds of thousands of UK female business owners have the tools they need to succeed and reach their ambitious goals. Because this ambition remains strong in the UK, with female business owners largely optimistic about the future despite the multitude of challenges they are facing. Four in ten say they will grow their business in the next five years – compared to only a third of male business owners – and they’re also 35% less likely than men to say they plan to downsize or close the business.

But if we do not empower female entrepreneurs to access the tools and technology they need to grow, there is a risk this optimism could be misplaced. Support programmes that provide business owners with guidance and mentorship can help ensure this isn’t the case, allowing female entrepreneurs to not only survive but thrive in the months and years ahead.