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6 parenting jobs I did not sign up for

November 12, 2021

Clutter in the nursery.

Photo courtesy of Tatyana Dzemileva/Shutterstock

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When you become a parent, you suddenly embark on several careers for which you have had little or no training. And you have no choice in the matter.

Sure, some parenting jobs are fun; tickle monster, a backup singer in their band, biscuit proprietor, actor (mainly superheroes in our house).

But others can be more of a challenge.

Here are a few.

1. Chef

Not only are you expected to create healthy, tasty meals, but your "customers" have extremely fickle taste buds. You create their favourite dish only to discover that within a week or mere days, they have decided it's now "gross."

I have always disliked cooking, so becoming a full-time chef to two rude and rowdy customers who eat in my kitchen every day is quite infuriating.

My actual chef friends may disagree, but I challenge them to find customers more fussy and irrational than my own children.

For example, my toddler was sent into a rage when he discovered I'd put his crumpet on a green plate instead of a pink one.

The following morning I presented him with a perfectly toasted crumpet on a pink plate only to be shouted at because it was in the centre of the plate and not slightly to the left, as he had wanted (but neglected to tell me). I like to think his crumpet placement is indicative of his political leanings, but it's possible he was just being demanding.

Crumpet dramas aside, they're both relatively good eaters and will try new things and even eat their vegetables if they're in the right mood. I've found that not every meal needs to be gourmet despite my intentions when I first started weaning them.

Sometimes it's fine to give them something simple (I try to throw something green on the plate, mainly to make myself feel better). And unlike actual chefs, if I somehow make the food into a face, the customers always give me a thumbs up.

2. Maid

My eldest said I was "just like a maid" once, which went down as well as you'd imagine. The cleaning is constant, especially the crumbs. Why are there so many crumbs? And lego strewed around, just waiting to inflict pain.

I do try and get the boys to do simple things to help, but it's an uphill struggle. Once I asked them to pick up their toys, and they claimed they couldn't reach. A toy. On the floor. And remember – they are way closer to the floor than I am.

3. Referee

Any parent of siblings will relate to this, but it also applies to cousins, friends, and random kids in the soft play. Your conflict resolution skills need to be elite as you attempt to navigate sharing disputes, full-blown physical fights, irrational arguments (he LOOKED at my toy), and more legitimate skirmishes.

Resolving conflict is something every child needs to learn, as parents have to be there to facilitate this. Sometimes that involves me physically separating the boys like an exasperated boxing referee and banishing them to their respective corners to cool down.

Photo courtesy of Lauren Nolan

4. Psychologist

There's a lot of information accessible to us now about early years development and child psychology. It's a really interesting subject and useful to read about (even if there are different schools of thought and contradictory findings). I think every parent should be mindful of how children think and feel.

However, I've found tips and advice that apply to some children won't work for all of them. After all, they are individual human beings, and you have to find a parenting style that suits you and your family.

My favourite piece of parenting psychology is this – don't be afraid to say sorry to your kids if you f*** up. It doesn't show weakness, quite the opposite, and shows them apologising is the right thing to do. And then try and do better next time.

5. Medic

I've discovered that I am terrible in an emergency, so it's just as well I went into pouring pints rather than, say, working in A&E.

Thankfully, I haven't had to be a medic for anything too serious thus far; but as a parent, you have to deal with a lot of vomit, head injuries, grazed knees, high temperatures, and mysterious tummy aches on the first day of school.

My prognosis is usually limited to Calpol, early nights, the occasional ice pack, and plenty of cuddles. The only truly serious incident I've experienced was when my toddler choked outside the school gates, really choked, and it was honestly the worst few moments of my life.

I slapped him on the back five or six times, hard, but couldn't dislodge the watermelon, and then I just froze in panic while he continued to grab at me, eyes wide, mouth open, no breath.

I really thought I was about to watch my two-year-old pass away. Luckily a nursery practitioner stepped in and did an abdominal thrust, and it popped out.

Once he'd calmed down and caught his breath, he then tried to pick the chunk of watermelon off the floor and finish it off. Which, I think, shows he was fine (watermelon is still his favourite fruit).

On the other hand, I continued shaking for about an hour, and I feel hot tears building every time I think about it. Anyway – yes, emergency medicine is a very real part of parenting.

6. Teacher

People sometimes suggest that I should have been, or should be, a teacher. But I've always said that I don't have the patience, and nothing illustrated how true this is then our homeschooling experience. My wine intake quadrupled. I screamed into a pillow almost daily.

And despite a few laughs and the occasional moment of pride in having taught them something, I wasn't too fond of it and merrily handed him back to his teachers with a newfound sense of respect for the profession.

But homeschooling aside, teaching is a huge and inevitable part of being a parent. They learn nearly everything from us before school starts; how to smile, walk, use a toilet, talk, jump, and dress.

And even after they join a school, the teaching from home doesn't end. It never will – not really. They copy and watch everything we do, good and bad, drinking in everything they see. This is both terrifying and wonderful, and ultimately it's an opportunity.

We could teach them to be kind, inclusive, socially and environmentally conscious, challenge ideas, create, be respectful, and open to a world of experiences.

It might be the hardest job we do, but equally – the most important.

parenting

Can tech help female entrepreneurs break the bias?

Women founders continue to come up against common challenges and biases

Photo by Christina @ wocintechchat.com on Unsplash

Written by Kelly Devine, Division President UK & Ireland, Mastercard

Starting a business may have historically been perceived as a man’s game, but this couldn’t be further from reality. Research shows women are actually more likely than men to actively choose to start their own business – often motivated by the desire to be their own boss or to have a better work-life balance and spend more time with their family.

The recently published Mastercard Index of Women Entrepreneurship 2021 found that in the category of 'Aspiration Driven Entrepreneurship’ – capturing those who actively choose to start their own business – women in the UK surpass men: 60% vs 56%. And Mastercard research from February 2022 found 10% of female business owners started their business in the past two years compared to 6% of men – meaning women were 67% more likely to have started a business during the pandemic.

Yet, there are common challenges that women founders continue to come up against - not least the gender imbalance in the household and long-held biases which are still prevalent.

In the UK, women are almost three times more likely to be balancing care and home commitments than men, and this was exacerbated during the pandemic as the additional barriers of school closures and lockdowns meant that the care time of dependents rose significantly on a day-to-day level for women. In addition, women were less likely to have access to a home office, greatly impacting the work they were able to accomplish when working from home was the only option.

It's also widely known that female business owners are still more likely to struggle to access funding for their business ideas. According to Dealroom, all-women founding teams received just 1.4% of the €23.7bn invested into UK start-ups in 2021, while all-male leadership teams have taken almost 90% of the available capital.

Without financial support, and when juggling significant time pressures both at home and at work, how can women grow their companies and #BreaktheBias (as this year’s International Women’s Day termed it)? What tools or support can save them time and money, and give them the headspace they need to focus on building their business?

With female owned businesses collectively estimating revenue growth of £120 billion over the next five years, solving this problem is bigger than supporting women – it’s about supporting the national economy.

Using tech to level the playing field

There are clearly societal issues at play that need to be resolved. But when we look at the rise in technology businesses during the pandemic, we can plainly see an alternative source of support critical for business growth: digital tools.

A third of female business owners say new technologies will be crucial to the success of their business in the future and one in five say it is the most important thing for business growth.

With new technology comes new ways to pay, create, and work. And yet there are barriers that prevent business owners accessing this technology. Women are significantly more likely to say they want to use more digital tools but don’t know what is best for their business and also more concerned about the security of digital tools.

When technology is adopted by businesses – whether using online accounting solutions or messenger services for communicating with staff – it saves them time, allows them to maintain and grow their customer base, and ultimately increases cost savings and profit.

By drastically improving the training and support that is available to women-owned business to access and utilise technology we will allow these businesses to grow and succeed. And we know there is demand for it.

Research done by the IFC and Dalberg shows that female entrepreneurs are more likely to invest time and money in business development. This includes product development, customer base expansion, and digital tools and training and there are plenty of services available offering this type of support – many of them for free.

One such programme is Strive UK – an initiative of the Mastercard Center for Inclusive Growth – which aims to reach 650,000 micro and small business owners across the UK and empower them with the tools they need to thrive in the digital economy through free guidance, helpful tools and one-to-one mentoring.

Working together with small business experts – Enterprise Nation, Be the Business and Digital Boost – we hope to ensure hundreds of thousands of UK female business owners have the tools they need to succeed and reach their ambitious goals. Because this ambition remains strong in the UK, with female business owners largely optimistic about the future despite the multitude of challenges they are facing. Four in ten say they will grow their business in the next five years – compared to only a third of male business owners – and they’re also 35% less likely than men to say they plan to downsize or close the business.

But if we do not empower female entrepreneurs to access the tools and technology they need to grow, there is a risk this optimism could be misplaced. Support programmes that provide business owners with guidance and mentorship can help ensure this isn’t the case, allowing female entrepreneurs to not only survive but thrive in the months and years ahead.